Avoiding the He Said … She Said Web
S. L. Crum, B.S., M.S., Ph.D.

Most parents naively believe they can have conversations with school personnel as they do with other people without documenting each and every encounter. If you have a special needs child and do this, you are creating huge problems for yourself and your child. Most significantly, when you want to press for something that was promised or refer to something someone told you, you will suddenly discover that school personnel have very different memories of the event than you do. This is why I am sharing strategies to avoid finding yourself upstream without a paddle.

From day one you need to adopt policies and procedures that will enable you to document everything and anything you need to. If you follow these steps consistently form the first contact with your child’s school district you should never be caught in the he said…she said web and should have ample documentation for all your IEP meetings, mediations and due process hearings.

1-Document EVERYTHING even the supposedly good stuff–

This includes things that you believe are positive. For instance, your child’s teacher tell s you that she will be staying late two afternoons per week and giving your child extra assistance. Send a thank you letter via email confirming that she is choosing to stay late and provide extra assistance to your child on her own time because what is being offered under his IEP has not been meeting his needs. Get a computer receipt for this. Print the email and the receipt and put them in your educational binder by date.

2-Make your thank you public -

Let’s say, you ask for sign language for your autistic child and the IEP team denies, it but, the teacher tells you that she knows sign language (because she teaches it in a Sunday school class) so she’ll use it with your son. Send a letter to the editor saying that you want to thank Ms. Smith for sharing her personal expertise in sign language since she recognized your son’s need for this help ANDS is providing it despite the fact that the district denied this urgently needed service to your nonverbal autistic child. This praise makes the teacher look and feel good. But, it also makes public that there is a need the district Is not addressing even though the teacher recognizes that need. Add this to your file. It may be very handy in a due process hearing. Because now the teacher can’t deny that she said your child needed the sign language or that she offered to provide it, since you have publically thanked her for this. Alternately, go to a school board meeting and tell them that you’d like to share some praise for the good job Ms. Smith is doing. Then state in front of everyone how she volunteered to teach your autistic son the sign language he needs after the IEP team refused to provide this service, and how grateful you are for her dedication. This will end up in the board meeting minutes and be another means of documenting that the teacher recognized the same educational need as you did.

3-Tape record all meetings and always bring a few friends -

When it comes to meetings, claim to be a bubble head with poor memory and tell them that one of the accommodations you use for your memory problem is a tape recorder, this way you are able to get everything right when you share it with your child’s dad and grandparents. That diffuses their sense of being threatened by your tape recording, but, documents everything. If you have time transcribe the tape recording and send a copy to the person you spoke to for their records, asking them to notify you if they think you transcribed anything incorrectly within the next ten days. If they don’t your record stands uncontested.

4-Tape record all phone calls -

Next head to Radio Shack to purchase the nifty little device that permit you to connect a tape recorder to your phone that begins recording as soon as you pick up the receiver. If it is not the district calling, just erase the tape and re-use. If it is the district, label the tape carefully, remove it and replace it with a blank one. Store the tape in a safe place for future reference. You can always transcribe it later if needed, and you can use it immediately to send you letter of understanding that says: “When you called me Wednesday at 3pm, I understood that you are very concerned about John’s difficulties in math, but do not feel that as a teacher you are legally able to make reconvene the IEP team, since this is the case, I will be making the referral myself. If I’ve misunderstood you in anyway, please send me a written correction within ten days”. If she doesn’t do so, this letter gets attached to your request to reconvene the IEP team.

5-Write letters of confirmation for each and every conversation -

Mrs. So and So told me that Paula is not putting forth a good level of effort in class. That is why her grade dropped. It has nothing to do with ability, so she will not offer her any extra tutoring since she doesn’t want to reinforce this attitude. Respond in writing to Mrs. So and So. “Dear Mrs. So and So, I understand from the school guidance counselor that you feel Paul is not putting forth a good level of effort and therefore will not offer her extra assistance in this class. Please be so kind as to confirm for me whether your position has been misrepresented within ten calendar days, so I can judge how to respond.” If she doesn’t correct the statement it stands as true. If she does you can deal with the “real” problem. If not, you can deal with her misperceiving your child’s academic difficulties to be a function of laziness. Either way, she can’t deny what she said in due process because it will be too late then.

6-Get affidavits from everyone who attends a meeting -

You go to the IEP meeting and you are promised the son – i.e. a lunch buddy, regular parent conferences, extra help from the psychologist with your child’s socialization during lunch and recess, but, it is not written into the IEP. Get everyone who attended the meeting with you to write an affidavit about everything that was promised. Have them get their signature notarized. Then, if the district later denies offering any of this, you already have your documentation. Meanwhile, the school is blissfully unaware that you have documentation that will stand up in due process. This is also very beneficial when IEP minutes don’t reflect what you recall and have documented on tape. And it is most particularly important when hearing officers assert that you simply misunderstood the IEP team’s communications. If you have eight or ten other people who have signed affidavits and also similarly “misunderstood” the IEP team it becomes very convincing that their communication must have been very misleading for everyone to misunderstand them.

7- Share inappropriate comments and ask for an investigation -

Share the comments …. When someone says something inappropriate, ask someone else in the district and ask them to investigate. For instance, if you meet with the math teacher who tells you that your child can not have special privileges and use a calculator when the rest of the class has to do their assignments without a calculator, write to the school psychologist and say: “Mr. So and So told me …, could you please investigate this. It was my understanding that since this is an accommodation on my child’s IEP the math teacher would be made aware of this and be following the IEP. Please let me know the outcome of your investigation in writing within the next ten calendar days.”

8-Quote them and quote the law -

When the district says or does something in contradiction to the law quote them, quote the law. Say: You knew or should have known this: so you lied and in so doing showed intentional indifference. For instance, “Dear Mrs. Smith you have sent me a letter stating the IEP meeting will be on Friday the 13th at 2pm even though you have never consulted with me regarding a mutually agreeable time or date and you are fully aware that I do not get off work until 3pm. Then, when I asked for another date, you stated that schools must schedule meeting during the staff’s working hours and not at the parent’s convenience. In fact, this is a falsehood as you know or should have known that IDEA states: “….”.

9-Correct all misstatements and errors in school district communications in writing and cite your proof. Don’t let any misstatements or misinformation pass. If it is not correct write to state the correct information and make certain you have proof of delivery for your letter of correction.

10-Be organized about record keeping from day one. Have proof of delivery for every written communication and print out all emails and other correspondences to the district.

Organize Your Documents

Obtain four large binders: bright pink or red, yellow and blue

Make 4 sets of all records:

1. White paper for administrative law judge/hearing officer if you ever need to do a hearing

2. The original on bright pink paper was delivered to the district. But, print a second on bright pink paper and put it in the binder just in case you ever need to go to hearing and have to provide the school attorney copies.

3. Pale yellow paper for yourself. This is the copy that should be signed by the recipient with the date and time stamped. If they refuse to sign this, you’ll print another copy on pink to send certified mail return receipt requested. On your yellow copy you will write, “I hand delivered this to NAME on DATE at LOCATION at TIME, and NAME in an act of bad faith refused to sign to confirm receipt”. Then, when you get the return receipt from the post office, staple it to this copy.

4. Pale blue paper for you to mark up and work on

Put dividers in each binder and arrange all records within the categories chronologically.

Categories can be:

1. IEP’s and IEP meeting minutes

2. Parents Correspondence to school including emails and letters of confirmation

3. Correspondence from school

4. Occupational Therapy

5. Speech Language Therapy

6. Counseling/Psychotherapy

7. Physical therapy

8. School Evaluations

9. Independent Evaluations

10. Work Samples

11. Report Cards

12. Affidavits

13. Transcripts of IEP meetings or phone calls that

14. Copies of homework on which you have written that your child didn’t know the concept and could do the assignment, so needs the teacher to re-teach the lesson.

Make a list of your documents and put a number on each document with a post-it. Put them in your yellow bookbinder. If you ever need to go to the hearing, you’ll already have 90 percent of the preparation done. Meanwhile, you will never be caught in the “He said… she said” web.

Presented as a community service by,

Susan L. Crum, B.S., M.S., Ph.D.
Special Needs Coach
Able2Learn
Email: Able2learn@live.com
Voice and Fax: 863-471-0281
Website: specialeducationsupport.org