Your Child’s Development: You Know Something’s Just Not Right
by Sandy Waiman ORT/L

Your son or daughter looks perfect. Their smile is beautiful. They are bright. They are gorgeous. They are sweet-hearted. But still, something’s just not right. They don’t play with other children, or play like other kids. They walk and run, but it’s non-stop movement. They don’t know how to slow down. They are moody – you fear the morning when they get out of bed. They have meltdowns for no apparent reason. They fidget. They cannot focus. Something’s just not right, but you don’t know what it is.

Your pediatrician, family and friends say “Just give him time. He’ll grow out of it.” You wait. You hope, but still your gut tells you that something’s just not right.

It hurts a lot to have the judging glances or comments that imply we are not controlling our child; but it is the self-doubt that gnaws at us the most. “Maybe everybody’s right… I’m too lenient. What if I really could be disciplining better?” We wish that the intense love we have will make it change.

Yet, even though your child does not listen to you, even though they seemingly ignore you and act defiant, somewhere in your parent’s heart, you know this child wants to be good. This child desperately wants to please you, but they can’t. They just can’t, and it’s not because they don’t want to obey you, it’s because their bodies, specifically their neurological systems, won’t allow them to do what they know they should do.

All of us have a sensory system based on the five senses of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. We all have to learn how to function productively despite what is going on around us. We have to carry on a conversation without listening to what is going on in the other room. We have to block out the hum of the lights or the refrigerator, the noise of the blender, or the vacuum. We have to function without worrying about how the tag in our shirt feels rubbing against our neck, or how socks and shoes feel on our feet.

For most of us, this sensory input is not a problem. However, for some children, and we’re not sure exactly why, their neurological system does not process all this “input” and their bodies become overwhelmed and overloaded.

As an adult, we could probably say, “the light is too bright and it’s bothering my eyes.”
For a young child, however, whose verbal skills are emerging, the only way he can express his discomfort and frustration is by acting out behaviorally. He cries, he shouts, he runs, he hits, he bangs his head. Children will do anything they can to try and relieve the stress of the situation.

As adults, we look at the behavior and say, “This child is bad. This child is defiant. This child needs more discipline.” What we should do, however, is ask, “Why is this child acting this way? What is causing this child not to listen? What is causing this child to act so erratically? Why does this little boy have a seemingly never ending desire to run, to move, to play so hard? Why are transitions so painfully difficult? Why can’t she play with other children?

For some kids, their brains are on overload 24 hours a day and it’s preventing them from living normal lives. It’s important to understand the part of the brain that does this sensory processing is not at all related to the part of the brain that governs intelligence. They are two separate and distinct areas of the brain.

Actually, many of the children with sensory difficulties are very, very bright. This is part of what makes it so difficult to identify these children – we think that because they’re intellectually bright, they should be able to take directions, follow orders and be obedient.

We don’t realize that for these children, it is not a matter of their minds controlling their bodies. It is truly a matter of their minds – no matter how hard they try - NOT being able to control their bodies that is the problem.

I want to share with you that many children – like your precious child – walk through our LifeSkills’ door every day – for there is infinite hope for a “sensory” child – and very definable reasons why the sensory symptoms are occurring. Many symptoms of a sensory difficulty are mistaken for deliberate and willful acts. We know that your child’s hyperactivity, lack of eye contact, and frustrating patterns are neither disrespect on their part, nor poor parenting on yours.

For the past 14 years, LifeSkills has been working with children, teens and adults to overcome their challenges with sensory integration. With appropriate occupational and speech therapy, a child’s brain can be retrained to be in the “just right” zone – where they can be calm, and look and listen without becoming overwhelmed. We help children feel confident so they can comfortably play with other children, and transition in and out of situations without fear. Your child can grow in the independence that you dream for them!

For more information about LifeSkills and the services it offers, including private one-on-one therapy, two or three week therapy intensives, LifeSkills Academy – a highly individualized private school for K through grade 4, and intensive summer programs, call 407-629-9455.